Have you ever wrestled with God? Jacob did. I have. Our passage in Hosea says, "as a man, he struggled with God." I'm sure most of you are familiar with Jacob's story wrestling all night and not letting go until he got a blessing. Doesn't that feel hard? And yet I've done it. Striving, straining, talking to God, asking God's questions, screaming at God, trying to figure out my purpose in life. Why did you make me this way? Why am I here? Not necessarily here on earth, but why am I "here"? This point in my life? How does this fit with your plans? This doesn't look like a blessing.
It does say in Romans vs 20, "But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God?" God is okay with us struggling, wrestling with the big and not so big questions in life. I remember the first time I was told it was okay to be angry with God. That was mind-blowing! I don't know why, for some reason, I didn't think God could handle my anger. But I think it is when we are working through the pain, the suffering, the hard things in life where we cry out to him and ask those really hard questions that he draws near.
Once we get out all our frustrations, all our why's?, when we are spent from all the energy it takes to wrestle, we have nothing left but to come to him at the foot of the cross, heart open, in true surrender.
That's when the blessing happens. He can now reveal himself to us in the quiet and the stillness. Like a potter moulds a lump of clay, God longs to hold us in the palm of his hand and mould us and shape us into the Christ-followers he wants us to be. Made in his image. Grace upon grace, mercy upon mercy, compassion upon true compassion. He lovingly smooths out rough edges, shaping us into the vessels that can be used for his purpose and plan. I think our only role is to be open and willing to let his process work wonders in our life. A life that most likely won't look like what we think it should be, but what he knows is good.
I am not sure if I will ever feel like my life has a "special purpose" or if I will be merely "for common use," but I know that as long as I live, I want my life to display God's power in me and give glory to the One who created me, just as I am.
One of Carla’s favourite Women’s Ministries volunteers